STOP FUCKING SAYING HELLO.

JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.

Nobody wants to play 20 Questions with your socially awkward ass.

You send "Hey."
I say "Hey, what's up?"
You say "I had a question."

NO FUCKING SHIT, SHERLOCK. YOU MESSAGED ME.

Now I have to sit here wondering whether you're about to ask me to review a PR, fix production, or tell me that you've accidentally deleted the entire database.

JUST SEND THE FUCKING QUESTION.

Shit you should stop sending

"Hey"
"Hi"
"Hello?"
"Are you there?"
"Got a minute?"
"Quick question"
"Can I ask you something?"

Bonus points if you send "hey" and then go offline for 40 minutes.

Worst offender: "Hey, you free?" followed by nothing. Am I free? FOR WHAT? A KIDNEY TRANSPLANT?

Shit you should send instead

"Hey, can you review PR #420?"
"The build is failing because of a TypeScript error. Can you help?"
"I need your approval on the design by 3 PM."
"Can we move tomorrow's meeting to Friday?"

LOOK AT THAT. CONTEXT. INFORMATION. A FUCKING PURPOSE.

Beautiful, ain't it?

And guess what? The other person can respond whenever they're available, without first having to acknowledge your existence.

But what if I want to be polite?

THEN BE POLITE.

"Hey, hope you're doing well! Could you review this PR when you get a chance?"

See? You can be a decent human being and get to the fucking point.

THE TWO ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE.

Respect people's time

STOP MAKING CONVERSATIONS A FUCKING ESCAPE ROOM.